origin of the golden fish

this begins where everything else left off to allow me to write this and so i'll be drawn to whatever comes my way in the way of thinking - right now i'm thinking about the golden fish - the painting by paul klee that this blog takes its name from and i'll tell you the story of why i chose those three words to stand/ hide behind.
grade 10 - a new school for me - me: a not very well-to-do boy - at a very-well-to-do-school serving kids who had grown up together knowing success and happiness and money and all that that triumvirate - the holiest of holies in western culture - brings to a person. i was an automatic outsider and so began my life of privacy, untempered insularity, thinking, and especially of seeking out the obscure or different or forgotten or simply overlooked. i discovered that at the centre of the school was a large octagonal shaped library. a treasure trove in and of itself but most amazingly, filled with catalogues from which students could independently order books, cassettes, films, records and audio visual equipment for their own use in the library. i skipped school completely for more than two months - well completely might not be fair because i was actually at school the entire time, but i didn't attend classes. incredibly enough, i wasn't caught! as a teacher myself i find this amazing but there you go - clearly it was intended to be! so, i ordered books and music and all sorts of stuff about the great architects, great writers, thinkers, artists, musicians . . . . . it was the most wonderful existence!!! i literally spent my day in a study carrol waiting for shipments to come in from the school board's head office. the librarian who handled all the orders and shipments said nothing!!
it's from this intense two months of self-education that a lot of what i know and from which so much of what i still pursue originates. it was as if i was being given the tools or the knowledge to begin to understand what i might be here for and what i might be able to do with my time and gifts. the knowing that the difference i perceived in my self was actually alright - it had a broader context was huge as i finally came to see that while i didn't fit into the school or world of which i was a part at that time, i would find a place or pass through other worlds in which i would be recognized and would recognize others like me and perhaps most importantly i would be able to share the difference - and lets call it creative energy - that flowed through me like a river. my "crime" was eventually discovered of course, and there was an awkward meeting with the principal and my parents but the damage or as i now prefer to see it, the great care and love that the creative universe poured into me in those two months was done. the golden fish? well i was looking through a beautiful book on "modern art" and came across the painting by klee entitled "the golden fish". it resonated deeply within me then as it does now. artistic representations of fish have always resonated within me and i can't say i understand why. i am aware of their symbology and yet none of the various meanings of the fish or uses of the fish as a symbol have ever actually spoken as "the one" that i can ascribe my self to. i have had many dreams of my self as a fish but that's for another post.